Scene 1 – A coffee shop. SIMPLICIO is ordering a decaf nonfat latte when his friends SALVIATI and SAGREDO arrive.

SIMPLICIO: Salviati, I challenge you on a mathematical point!

SALVIATI: (to SAGREDO) This will be interesting.

SIMPLICIO: The other night I read in the Oxford Annotated Book of Math Theorems that the + sign indicates addition.

SALVIATI: Yes, that is correct.

SIMPLICIO: Therefore, proper exegesis of the OABMT shows us that 1 + 1 = 11 after all.

SALVIATI: (with a sigh) That’s not how you do addition.

SIMPLICIO: You only say that because you’re importing Reformed Mathedology into the text. But if you don’t start with your philosophy, you’ll see that I’m correct.

SAGREDO: Simplicio seems to have a point. I mean, what’s to keep 1 + 1 from being 11? God could certainly make 1 + 1 into 11.

SALVIATI: No He can’t. Addition isn’t the combining of symbols; it’s combining of numbers represented by those symbols.

SIMPLICIO: Aha! See, you import your Reformed Mathedology even now! Eisegesis!

SALVIATI: No, it’s exegesis straight out of the OABMT, chapter 1. It states: “Addition came about from the counting of items. Items in one pile were combined with items of another pile, and the total of both piles was the sum.”

SIMPLICIO: But we’re not talking about addition, we’re talking about the + sign.

SALVIATI: Which you agreed indicates addition.

SIMPLICIO: That’s not true! Besides, 1 + 1 = 11. Just look at it. The common sense reading shows you I’m right.

SAGREDO: Indeed, it does appear that 1 + 1 could form 11. Couldn’t this be an indication of looking at it from the wrong angle? Perhaps you need to read it in binary.

SIMPLICIO: Yes! Binary, exactly right!

SALVIATI: 1 + 1 = 10 in binary.

SIMPLICIO: No, it’s 11.

SALVIATI: Look, there are rules for math and you’re violating them. One and one is two regardless of the base you use. Two is represented by the numeral 2 in base 10, and by the number 10 in binary.

SIMPLICIO: Oh, so now 2 = 10! I told you those Reformed Mathedologies are incoherent!

SALVIATI: You’re not listening to what I’m saying.

SIMPLICIO: Sure I am. You’re spouting a lot of gibberish.

BARISTA: Your coffee is ready, sir.

Scene 10 – Outside the coffee shop ten minutes later.

SAGREDO: Salviati, I must confess that Simplicio has brought up some interesting points. I think he is right.

SIMPLICIO: Thank you, Sagredo. This is how true mathematicians behave, you see. We are unified.

SALVIATI: Whether you’re unified or not, you’re violating the rules of math. You say that 1 + 1 = 11. How is this possible?

SIMPLICIO: I’ve already explained it.

SALVIATI: No, you’ve stated it.

SIMPLICIO: Common sense shows us. I already told you this.

SALVIATI: But you haven’t shown how it works from the rules of math.

SIMPLICIO: Everything is rules to you. Why can’t you just let go and let God?

SALVIATI: That doesn’t even make sense.

SIMPLICIO: You need to understand binary. God is binary.

SALVIATI: I thought he was a Trinity.

SIMPLICIO: That too. But that’s beside the point, because 1 + 1 = 11.

SALVIATI: Repeating yourself is no substitute for proof.

SIMPLICIO: Why are you so demanding of proof? Have faith.

SALVIATI: The OABMT itself gives us the rules. It’s not God-honoring faith to ignore what He has given us. And you’re ignoring the rules here.

SIMPLICIO: Look, would you agree that 2 + 2 = 22?

SALVIATI: No, it equals 4.

SIMPLICIO: In binary, I mean.

SALVIATI: Binary doesn’t have the numeral 2. It’s only 1s and 0s. The binary four is represented by 100.

SIMPLICIO: Sheesh, do you have to correct EVERY LITTLE THING?

SALVIATI: When it’s wrong, yes.

SIMPLICIO: This is why I’ve argued that Reformed Mathedology divides!

SALVIATI: Well, yes that how fractions came about.

SIMPLICIO: What?

SALVIATI: A little joke.

SIMPLICIO: So now you mock me. You’re showing real character there.

SALVIATI: Actually I’ve given up on trying to convince you reality is real. Jokes are all that you deserve now.

SAGREDO: Don’t you think that’s a little harsh, Salviati?

SALVIATI: What’s harsh is his lack of exegetical skills and the inability to reason. There are only 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and Simplicio.

SIMPLICIO: What’s that supposed to mean? Here I’ve presented my evidence and all you do is challenge little things. Why can’t I just make simple comments without having to defend every little thing?

SALVIATI: Um, you were the one who challenged me, remember?

SIMPLICIO: No I didn’t! I just made a simple comment and you have to pick it all apart. That’s so loving of you.

SALVIATI: Does your memory extend back further than 11 seconds?

SIMPLICIO: 1 + 1 = 11!

SALVIATI: Never mind.

SAGREDO: Salviati, I must object. You’re being overly mean here. This is completely uncalled for. In fact, I think the only thing you’re good for now is to be a contributor at Triablogue. As for me and Simplicio, farewell you Reformed meanie!

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This evening, as I watch copious amounts of Global Warming fall from the sky and create giant white piles across the town, I find myself engaged in the great American past time of barganing with God. It goes a little something like this:

God, if you keep this Global Warming going on such that work is cancelled tomorrow, I promise to spend at least fifteen extra minutes in prayer during the day. I also promise to play every single one of my video games at least once so as to not render their purchase a complete waste of money. Finally, Lord, I will blog about Your great bounty and Your merciful reduction of my work quota for all the world to read. Or at least the four people who have this on their RSS feeder.

Amen.

Now children, complete this sentence: That Algore guy is…

100 Sheep Baffle Farmer by Forming Circle in English Field

About 100 woolly sheep formed a perfect ring while grazing in a field in England on Friday, baffling the farmer and other witnesses, the Daily Mail reports.

The SHEEP did it. You know what this means???

Keep Dennis Kucinich away from Scotland….

Current air temperature is 14 degrees. Windchill is -8.

Stupid Bush and his #$&*! Global Warming!!!!

Behold the dreaded Wrath Of Global Warming^TM, coming soon to a state near you!

That’s right. 2,000 travelers are stranded by Global Warming because I-70 has been closed due to the increased heat coming off the mountains. It is literally melting the highway in places, causing spontaneous combusions, and has resulted so far in no less than seven cases of hypoxia. Further evidence of Global Warming is found in the fact that there are no polar bears in the mountains of Colorado. Finally, we rest our case by pointing out that this is the third day in a row that the sun has risen and people have died.

I thought that the dingbats were wrong…but I’ve just discovered proof that it was Bush behind the attacks.

First:

See something strange there? I’ve highlighted it here:

Still don’t see it? Let’s zoom in:

And when we clean up the pic:

PROOF!!!!

As I shivered my way in to work today, walking into the deadly icy blast of frozen arctic air, I saw little white fluffs in the air. Just those little frozen ice crystals that skiers like to slide on. No biggie, ya know….

Some day, Global Warming will, you know, actually like happen and stuff. Then I won’t have to thaw out my hands by typing blog posts such as this.

Yup, it’s almost Christmas time and it’s snowing outside like it’s supposed to be.

Stupid Global Warming!!!!

And for something completely different: Happy Holidays! (from the Association of Nihilistic Atheist Liberals).

Usually when I get to work I turn off my cellphone, but today I forgot to do so. Naturally, today was the day I got a call on my cellphone while I was at work! There’s no strict rule about that here, but I was just about to start my lunch break anyway.

Anyway, it turned out to be my parents. They said that tonight they’ll be heading down to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo, which holds an annual Christmas event called “Electric Safari” wherein they string up animal cages with Christmas lights and there’s free admission at night. Actually, I should point out that when my parents say they’re going what they mean is that my three-year-old nephew is going and they’re going to see him watch the animals….

Since I was invited along, I figure I’ll go too. It’ll be nice to see animals in cages…late at night…in the cold. Unpaid animals.

I see absolutely no way this will remind me of work.