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According to legend, Roger Bannister was the first human being to run a mile in under four minutes. But if we think about this for even half a second, we realize it’s a completely absurd story. Look at the average person. They weigh roughly three hundred pounds and couldn’t run fast enough to catch a bag of Doritos falling off their dresser. Even in my more athletic days (back when I swam a mile without stopping, for instance) I never ran a mile faster than about ten minutes…and we’re supposed to believe that someone ran it in under four? In fact, I live in Colorado Springs which has the US Olympic Training Center, and I’ve never seen anyone run a mile in under four minutes. Several of my coworkers run religiously (they hold to the myth, you see), and I’ve never seen them run a mile under four minutes. Surely, if it were true that Roger Bannister did it, it wouldn’t be so hard for the average person to accomplish.

So how do we explain this? Well, we grew up reading comic books about Superman. And Roger Bannister is nothing more than a myth of Superman. See, Superman could run faster than a speeding bullet (and he could, therefore, run a mile in under four minutes). Because people looked up to Superman and longed to be like Superman, we created the myth of Roger Bannister. To make it more exotic, we pretended he was born in England (all good 20th Century myths require an Englishman. James Bond. Any questions? Didn’t think so.)

So what about the supposed evidence? Well, it’s all hearsay. None of us were there. Yes, the event supposedly occurred in front of thousands of witnesses, but none of them had stopwatches. And really, all you needed was to pay off the one person with a stopwatch who set the “official” time. Now tell me, isn’t it more likely that that one guy was paid off to lie than it is to think that Roger Bannister could actually run a mile in under a minute? And look at how the legend profligates to this day, with many athletes claiming to be able to do it themselves. (And we’ve seen how athletes lie when it suits them: ex. O.J. Simpson. Again, I rest my case.) Even if I was there and saw Bannister run the mile in under four minutes it wouldn’t prove he actually did. I would take the more likely truth that my stopwatch was flawed.

After all, the myth of Roger Bannister causes us to hope Superman is real. Those who believe in Bannister, frankly, could believe in anything. That’s what makes them so scary.

One thing that occurs with every author to some extent is the repetition of our favorite words and phrases. This is especially common in first drafts, and when it comes to my blog entries I’m sure there’s a lot of instances of them due to how almost all of my blog posts are first drafts! In any case, when editing a book, it is necessary that you go through and get rid of as many repetitions as possible.

To use me as an example, when doing first drafts I over use the words “realized” and “suddenly.” I know these are words I over use, so when I edit I look for them and kill them off as soon as I find them. The goal is to have as few repetitions in a text as possible to make it easier to read.

Now I should explain that I am not refering to characters names and such; rather, this deals mainly with verbs and adverbs. If you are repeating the same action, you have a problem.

Knowing this made it really ironic as I just finished re-reading Relic by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. (Child was a former book editor, mind you.) This book was their first collaboration, and in general I enjoyed it a great deal, although they have definitely improved through time. One thing stopped me though.

On page 433 we read: “Gingerly, he moved to the pipe and began crawling in the darkness.” We then have three sentences, and the fourth is: “Gingerly, he brought his foot outward and downward.” Two paragraphs later, we read: “One at a time, people emerged and spread out against the wall, feeling their way gingerly, collapsing in exhaustion.” (Mind you, that sentence only begins on page 433, the repetition of the word “gingerly” doesn’t actually occur until page 434.

This is problematic not only because of the repetitions, but also because of the fact that it’s repeated adverbs. (Adverbs are the anti-Christ when it comes to publishing texts.) We can also add to it the fact that “ing” words lack the same emphasis as other verbs. But couldn’t at least one of the “gingerly”’s be replaced with “tentatively”? Perhaps another with “hesitantly”? It’s not that difficult to get alternate words in there….

Needless to say, Child and Preston have made far more money that I have selling books. So the “rules” are about as relevant as the guidelines in Pirates of the Caribean….as long as you’re a former book editor with your foot already in the door!

The Dorktard of the Day award has to go to this lady who came up with a great way to kill a mouse in her trailer.

Use a .44.

Me, I’m thinking that’s a little overkill. The bullets are almost as big as the mouse.

Apparently, God thought it was too…because this lady ended up dropping her gun and shooting herself in the knee instead.

But that’s not all!

The bullet passed through her knee and struck the keychain hanging on the belt of the guy who was with her, grazed his groin area, and came to rest in his coin-pocket.

That’s a pretty impressive shot. And, naturally, the mouse was unscathed.

This didn’t happen in Florida; sadly, Dave Barry did NOT make it up.