Helping M. Night With A Better Script
WTF Just Happened?
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
MARK W is teaching a class. He is a complete dork and couldn’t act to save his life.
All the bees are dead.
I’m allergic to bee-stings.
Where did their bodies go?
Global Warming!
Could be.
Bush did it!
Exactly! Bush did it.
There are sudden screams from outside.
What is it? That noise. I mean, what
is that noise?
Someone just jumped off the roof of
the bank!
(with cell phone camera)
I’m so gonna put this vid up on MySpace!
The SUPERINTENDENT of the school rushes into the room.
We’re all going to die!
He throws himself out the window. The kids continue filming it with their cell phones.
CUT TO…
EXT. WOODS IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE – DAY
Why do we have to walk? The train
was running perfectly well.
I think M. Night’s been reading The
Stand. God, I hope we don’t have to
walk all the way to Boulder.
They stop five feet away from a fifteen-story building.
Where do we go now?
I don’t know. Hey look, a building!
Good thing you saw that or we’d be
stuck here forever!
They go the door of the building. It has a giant red screen reading “LOCKED”, a huge padlock on the door, etc. Mark W. tries the door anyway.
Oh no! It’s locked!
We’re doomed!
Behind them, a BUSH appears looking menacing.
We’ll be safe as long as the wind doesn’t
blow.
The wind blows.
MAN THIS MOVIE BLOWS!
They run into a conveniently placed cottage, but Mark W. goes in one door and Zooey in a different one!!!!
Zooey! I love you! Where are you?
I don’t know! It’s dark. I’m scared.
Just stay alive! I WILL FIND YOU!
We get a top-down view, showing Zooey and Mark in two rooms at the end of a long hall. The doors are not locked.
I can’t live without you.
He walks as slowly as possible outside. Zooey does too. They meet in the field and kiss.
We’re not dead!
Our careers are.
The end credits begin. The camera pulls back from the screen showing…a dead audience.
The credits end. We see the fifteen story building. The screen changes from “LOCKED” to “UNLOCKED.” The door opens.
An AVALANCHE OF BEE CORPSES falls out.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:35 am
I would have liked this movie better than the real one.
June 25th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
At least my script doesn’t introduce the question of where the bee’s corpses have gone and then NOT ANSWER THAT QUESTION! :-)