This is probably the most difficult post I’ve ever had to write. Not because the words are hard, but because I’ve had to come to grips with something about my nature. About who I am.
I remember when I was a young boy, I played a game of chess against another boy about my age. After his opening move (Pawn to A4), I felt the beginnings of…well, something inside me. I knew that there was something “wrong” with this feeling, but as the game progressed it only got stronger. Seven moves later, after I checkmated him, I told him exactly how I felt.
He punched me in the nose and called me a slur. Since then, I’ve lived a double life, afraid to come out and be who I really am.
It appears that the truth has a way of coming out anyway. Despite my best efforts at hiding it, several bloggers have discovered the truth. And while I tried to laugh off their attempts to ridicule me and pretend it wasn’t true, I realize now that this has only harmed my self-image. I must come out of the closet. And so, publicly, I now reveal to everyone my deepest secret.
I am smarter than you.
I cannot help it. It is partly in my genes: both my parents are intellectuals. But I also know that my lifestyle has contributed to my inability to overcome this weakness. I am addicted to internet arguments. It began simply, and it began before the internet was widespread even. I saw a book and I read it. Then I needed to read more books. And soon, I began to act out on what I had read. I am ashamed to admit it, but I began to do math. It got so bad that some days I would do math as many as six times a day. I started with simple math. And it progressed (oh, how does it progress!). Soon not even algebra was enough for me. No, I had to progress into the realm of calculus.
After I got online, I discovered a whole new world of argumentation. When I read many arguments (especially if they were on BHT), I couldn’t help but think: “The guy who wrote this is just plain stupid!” It was the same feeling I felt playing chess against my stupid friend so long ago.
But I didn’t say it out loud. I tried to respond in a way that would subtly deliver my point, but still they accused me of being an intellectual elitist. They accused me of being a smart ass and wise guy, as if there was something wrong with being smart and wise.
I’ve been called many things in my life. I’ve been called a nerd, a geek, a braniac. All of these slurs have hurt. And I want to know…just what is so wrong with being smart anyway? It hurts no one but me! Is my intellectual superiority so hard for you to stomach that my mere existence causes you pain? If you are dumb enough to write stupid things, then why should I be the one who has to suffer? If you run with scissors, put your own eye out, not mine.
I say enough is enough! No longer will I stand in the shadows content to draw geometrical figures in the dark! I say it’s okay to be smart! I challenge all my dumber brethren to cut me some slack. Just because I’m smarter than you doesn’t mean you have to be offended when I demonstrate your arguments are as pointless as a water buffalo in Cleveland! I say it is YOU who should change! It is YOU who should start to be smart!
Say it with me now:
START TO BE SMART!
START TO BE SMART!
START TO BE SMART!
Yes, yearn to learn my brothers and sisters! Don’t succumb to being dumb. Open your eyes and choose to be wise!
