So, some freak from New Zealand (not, surprisingly, Russell Crowe) called the cops and said he was raped by a wombat and learned to speak Australian because of it.

He was charged with making ficticious phone calls and sentenced to community service. Last line of the article:

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Cradock’s life.

I’m thinking…

NO WAY!

UPDATE: On the other hand, I guess this proves once and for all that Foster’s really will teach you how to speak Australian!