(Note: The title of this blog should be sung to the tune of The Most Lonliest Day of My Life by System of a Down. It’s an intentional grammatical error. Shoot me now, kill me later.)

Okay, I have proof now that I am the most unluckiest guy on the Earth. I mean, I’ve known this for some time…but further evidence is further evidence.

I went to ye olde doctor today about mi cyst, and they got the results back. It was a staph infection, but the good news is that it is responding to the antibiotics I’m on.

BTW, quick aside… In medical jargon, when a bacteria “responds” to a treatment, it means it dies. That’s not exactly a response is it? I mean, shouldn’t it be more like: “After treatment this bacteria doesn’t respond to any stimuli whatsoever”?

Oh well. As I was saying, so the PA looks over my cyst and says, “Everything looks good. How are you feeling?” And since I was already there in the doctor’s office and such, I said: “Mostly good, although I do feel kinda…off.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I’m not really sure. I guess the closest thing I can compare it to is that I feel slightly, I dunno, carsick or something. Got a bit of a headache and am slightly nauseated. Nothing to write home about, but it may be related to the staph infection.”

So the PA pokes and prods, listens to my intestines and my heart, then sticks her whatchamacallit instrument into my ear and says: “Oh, goodness. How did you manage to get an ear infection on top of all this?”

I was like: “You’re joking, right?”

“Nope. Something’s definitely going on in there.”

I must be the only person on Earth who’s gotten an ear infection while taking antibiotics. Because last week they did the same poking, prodding, and looking at my ears, etc. and I did not have an ear infection then. But apparently, I got one over the weekend.

I blame Bush for this. And Global Warming. Which is the same thing.

Oh well. Now for something completely different, I read recently (in a book, no less; but I don’t remember which one now–coulda been The Eighth Day by John Case or Riptide by Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child since I’ve read both of them in the past week or so) a quip about archeology that went like this.

Archeologist: (Pointing to a strange figurine) This was probably used for religious purposes.

Main Character: That means you don’t know what it was used for originally.

I bring this up because I noticed I was still wearing my name badge from work when I got on the bus. In the year 4008, someone will dig up my name badge and say: “Hmm, this piece of plastic must have some kind of religious significance.” Because in 4008 no one will have the slightest clue what the heck those stupid name cards are for. My name badge will become another version of a St. Christopher’s Medallion.

Hey, Catholics can eat their hearts out. I’ll be a saint in 2000 years. Just you wait and see!