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Stupid carbon dioxide emissions: Where is Algore now?

In 2005 data from NASA’s Mars Global Surveyor and Odyssey missions revealed that the carbon dioxide “ice caps” near Mars’s south pole had been diminishing for three summers in a row.

Let’s employ a little logic here:

1) Algore is from Mars.

2) Mars is melting.

3) Therefore, Global Warming is real on Earth too.

I rest my case.

March 2, 2007; Colorado Springs, CO — Explosions were heard throughout Colorado Springs this morning as angry Christians took to the streets protesting James Cameron’s documentary, Something We Made Up While Inhaling Fumes From An Ancient Tomb.

“This mockumentary is an attack on our religious beliefs,” said one masked man toting an AK47. “This insult to Christianity will not go unchallenged.”

Another man, carrying an RPG, shot at a police barricade near Acacia Park before police shot him dead. There has been no word on the number of police deaths, but experts fear Colorado Springs could be decending into sectarian violence (although thus far officials have stopped short of calling it a civil war).

Colorado Springs, known to many as the Mecca of Evangelicalism, is home to nearly 100 Christian organizations. James Cameron, the producer of the documentary, has been in hiding since early this morning when he came out of his home and saw his shadow, thus discovering six more weeks of Global Warming.

As I spoke with some of my Christian friends at work today, we got onto the subject of eschatology. I was told, in no uncertain terms, that THIS IS THE LAST GENERATION and that “The 1950s were better days than today” (spoken by a person who was alive during them, and thus “an expert”)…and I was thinking, What about the 1940s and Hitler and such? Were those days better days than today?

In any case, after the convo, I had an epiphany. James Cameron is the atheist’s version of Jerry Jenkins! That’s right, both men make wild speculative arguments as if they were true, both ignore historical contexts, and both completely avoid the more “common sense” interpretations of data. And even more compelling: both men seek explanation from “future” events (in the case of Cameron, it’s the fact that he used the name Mariamenou from The Acts of Phillip, which is only extant in a 14th Century text–that’s right 14–despite that being a common name in the Herodian dynasty; and in the case of Jenkins, it is to assert everything Jesus said would happen “within this generation” must happen in the future despite the fact that everything Jesus said would happen happened by the fall of Jerusalem in 70AD).

One thing the flak over The Jesus Family Tomb has done is enable us to see the importance of Thomas’s doubt being recorded in Scripture. Since the filmmakers give us a disclaimer where they say that finding Jesus’s physical bones in an ossuary would not require us to doubt the resurrection, it becomes obvious why Scripture tells us that Thomas felt the physical body of Christ after His resurrection (John 20:27).

Because Thomas doubted, we can now be sure that Christ’s resurrection was, as portrayed in Scripture, a physical resurrection. Because Thomas doubted, we can know that the film makers are wrong in proclaiming that finding Jesus’s body would not be damaging to Christianity.