Today, in celebration of Valentine’s Day, I went to the dentist. Arkansasnians (that’s probably not spelled right) everywhere are now jealous!

But be that as it may, I discovered a couple things. 1) One of my fillings that señor el dentisto fixed a while back sorta is on a tooth that has a nerve that goes straight to my sinuses, such that every little sinus infection makes my tooth hurt. (I knew it hurt before going to the dentist; now I know why.) And: 2) After they viciously ripped out my wisdom tooth, the molar that was next to it shifted slightly as my gums healed, thus exposing a bit of the nerve root on that tooth.

Both of these combined lead me to believe that John “The W. Stands For William Lane Craig” Loftus is right after all!

There is no God. Because a truly merciful God would not allow me to get cavities just because I don’t brush my teeth. And a truly benevolant God would have given me teflon teeth in the first place. (None of this is to impugn Loftus’s bird-man argument either…just more evidence, ya know.)

So, from this point on, I am a dental atheist. My teeth just cause too much gratuitous pain. Ergo, propter hoc, sum, mea culpa, und keine Eier de femme énorme, tú también; belle noche, сильный как бык.

I rest my case.