CalvinDude.com

Let The Bodies Hit the Floor….Hinn Style:

FALSE HOPE, NY — Lower Downtown False Hope was closed today after a series of bright lights were found strung out over intersections.  The lights, which alternated between Red, Green, and Yellow were enclosed in boxes that could potentially have been bombs, said Sgt. Lionel VanHorne of the False Hope Police Department.  “With the recent scare in Boston, we didn’t want to make it look like the terrorists could waltz in here undetected,” he said.

The lights, which were stacked one on top of the other inside the box, were strung out over intersections in such a manner that no matter which way you drove, you’d be forced to see them.  While no terrorist group has yet to take responsibility, some insiders have speculated that the lights could have been planted by movie studios to boost DVD sales of Traffic, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, and Friday Night Lights.

Police Commissioner Lance Foote told reporters that he expected charges would be filed once suspects were blamed and convicted in the media.  “What these people did was outrageous.  Not only were the lights a distraction, they impeded traffic by forcing drivers to stop every time they turned red, which was at every single block!”

In other news, former humanoid Algore was nominated for the Taco Bell Piece Prize today for, among other things, not placing Mission: Impossible: III boxes in newspaper bins.  Apparently, Algore’s movie, An Incontinant Tooth, earned him enough popularity in America-bashing lands to counteract his lack of common sense, knowledge, and personality.  Since a previous prize has already gone to a butchering maniac, Algore’s chances of winning are seen as slim.

“He could help his image,” said a spokesman who wished to remain anonymous since he was not authorized to breathe in public, “if he were to slaughter a few thousand Jews like Arafat, or write a Jew-bashing book like America’s best ex-president did.”

It’s a miracle.  It did snow yesterday!  They said we’d get 3-5 inches!!!

…we got 1/8th.

But that hasn’t stopped the weathermen!  Nope, today they say we’ll get SIX inches!

Yeah, every day this week they’ve hyped how much snow we’ll be getting, and each day it doesn’t happen, they increase how bad it’ll be.  It’s just like Global Warming in that regard.  This way, when we get anything it can seem like a sign the apocalypse is, indeed, coming.

Oh well.  I’ll just be over here by myself…holding my breath….