Due to having to work overtime and the fact that I’m feeling a bit under the weather (stupid allergies: the trees are still polluting the atmosphere with their fluffy pseudo-cotton crap), I didn’t go swimming today. That and I blame Bush.

My goal was to make 1,000 yards today. I was unfortunately stymied just before reaching it when, at the 750 yard mark, they closed the lane I was in so they could do a swimming class. I managed to sneak in one more down-n-back, so I got 800 yards today, which gives me a grand total of 2600 yards so far. That leaves 1,757,400 yards to go.

By the way, I’ve noticed something about gyms and the YMCA. It’s something I already knew about, but which I have been reminded of during my past week of workouts. Everyone who works out weekly goes to the gym on Mondays and Tuesdays. By Wednesday, the population tapers, such that by the time you get to Friday there ain’t nobody in there. That meant, of course, today being a Monday, that the pool was packed.

I figure it has something to do with the weekend and how most people wanna get a head start on it so if they go to the gym it’s in the morning (on Friday) or earlier in the week. Plus I blame Bush.

You gotta love it when politicians finally speak their mind.

When asked why he read portions of the cap-and-trade bill on the floor Friday night, Boehner told The Hill, “Hey, people deserve to know what’s in this pile of s–t.”

Personally, I think his description is an upgrade. But I won’t go into details seeing as how there’s a good likelihood you just ate.

Gotta love THE MOST TRANSPARENT GUMMIT EVAH!!!111!1!™

Well, first I did my 700 yards tonight, so the week’s total is 1800 yards. I got a mile. At this rate, I’ll swim 1,000 miles in 20 years. But of course I’m not going to stay at this rate! Soon enough I’ll be able to do what I did this week all in one day. And that will bring the 20 years down to around 4 years.

Anyway, after swimming, I got to sit at the bus terminal for a while, which was good time for me to use reading. I’ve been going through the Merlin Trilogy, which I read back in junior high or so, but it’s still fun to read. Today, however, as I read I noticed something from my peripherals and glanced up.

There were protestors.

Now I’ve seen my fair share of protestors in Colorado Springs. Just a month ago, the gay rights people were there. And I remember the anti-war whackos who tried to form a ring around Acacia Park, but only 50 people showed up (I sat at the nearby Starbucks wearing my Rush Limbaugh Club Gitmo shirt, just for spite). And then, of course, there was also the Tea Party protest back in April, which so far holds the distinction of being the only protest in Acacia Park to have actually left the park in better condition than it was in when they got there!

But this protest was different. It was only about half the size of the gay protestors, and made nowhere near as much racket (although there were far more cars honking their horns in support of these protestors). It took a second for me to realize who they were because they were all wearing green and flashing peace signs, and with Congress voting on the “Why Not COMPLETELY Destroy the Freaking Economy?” cap and trade tax farce today, my first thought was that it had something to do with that.

But the first sign was: “Free Iran.” Followed with: “We are all Neda.”

I almost wished I could have joined that one. If I had known in advance, I would have.

Anyway, as to the cap ‘n trade (which would be the issue the news would talk about if they could spend more than 8 seconds refraining from worshipping the dead pedophile and pretending that anyone even listened to his music anymore): Eight RINOs screwed the country. And as VodkaPunditsaid: “Never have so few stolen so much from so many to achieve so little.”

On the other hand, there were 50 Dems who voted against it.

Regardless, the most TRANSPARENT GUMMIT EVAH!!!11!1!™ has passed yet another bill that no one’s read (you know, cuz that tactic worked so well with the porkulus package). This is a bill that includes (are you ready for this?) a placeholder section! Kind of a “leave this part blank and we’ll fill it in after the vote.” I kinda think there’s no way that could be Constitutional, but I also kinda think this government couldn’t care less about what’s Constitutional.

Hoorah for higher taxes, a devalued dollar, and rampant unemployment! Hopey Change at Wrok.

Today, I doubled-down. I originally planned to swim 500 yards, and then when I got that I figured it was close enough to 550 that I could make it to 550 and double my yardage so far! So, new total = 1100 yards down…and 1,758,900 to go. My goal for tomorrow, is to do at least 700 yards, so I’ll end the week having swum a cumulative mile. Then the weekend will be rest time, and Monday I should be able to easily do over 1,000 yards.

Today I had goggles so I swam for 350 yards. I would have done more, but I mistakenly thought the bus schedule said night service pulled out on the 45s and it was really the 15s, so I ended up waiting an extra half hour at the terminal instead of swimming an extra half hour. But I’ll know better for tomorrow.

Oh, and my legs were NOTHING like they were yesterday. Nor were my arms :-) In fact, I felt just about the same as I did back in ye olde dayes of yore, except for breathing. Even then, I was able to go two complete cycles before breathing at the start (I expected I’d have to breathe after every cycle before I began, and of course by the end I did have to do just that). In any case, at about the 250 yard mark, I began to hit my second wind.

See, when I swim I have to warm up. And that takes quite a few laps. After my lungs open up, then I’m pretty much able to go for as long as I can keep my arms moving, but until I get to that point it’s |: Swim-Down-25-Yards-Then-Grab-The-End-of-The-Pool-Until-The-World-Stops-Spinning :|

Well, when I got to 275 yards and turned for 300, I thought: Wow, I’m feeling pretty good. I’m gonna push it and not rest this round. By 302 yards, I thought: That was a dumb decision, but now I’m committed. (Honestly, I was really about at 315 yards when that thought came to mind as I gazed upon the last 10 yards to the wall thinking that thirty feet never seemed so far, but hopefully the sense of how long it was can be felt metaphorically by your desire to have this run-on sentence reach its terminus.)

I made it, gasping for air. And then did the backstroke home for 350, at which point I saw the clock and incorrectly perceived that it was time to boogie. Which was sad, because I had juice left in my arms and could have done the backstroke all day long (after all, doing the backstroke I don’t have to worry about breathing because my face is above water the entire time—I do, however, have to worry about occasionally being waterboarded by the swimmer sharing the lane with me).

Anyway, grand total is now 550 yards down. 1,759,450 to go… (Look ma, I’m more than 0.03% of the way there!!!)

It is impossible to buy a safety pin these days. I know this because I just tried to buy one. You have to buy at least 50 at once, which means that I have 49 safety pins that I don’t need. Well, maybe I’ll lose the one I’ve got…but still, I can’t see myself doing that more than maybe five times total. So I’ve still got an extra 45.

Why did I need a safety pin? Well, I’ve got a lock that goes on a locker, and it’s got a key. I don’t want to lose the key, so I will instead safety pin the key to articles of my clothing.

Why not just put it in my pocket? Ah, well that’s the thing. The article of clothing that I will be pinning the key to has no pockets. For that article of clothing is…my swimming trunks!

Yup, for my birthday I bought myself swimming trunks. And today, I left work early (note: “early” means “after 8 hours without doing overtime” which seems “early” to me these days) and hit the YMCA for some swimming excitement.

Unfortunately, I forgot my goggles. I blame Bush for this. It meant I couldn’t do any freestyle swimming, or pretty much any swimming that involved my arms. So I did 200 yards of leg work.

Let me tell you, being away from the pool for two years never felt so brutal. I used to swim a mile (well, actually 1800 yards—a mile being 1760 yards, but the pool is 25 yards long, which math geniuses will be able to tell you does not go evenly into 1760!).

[Quick side note. Do you know how weird it is to pick up a carton of yogurt, pull the top, only to go: That's….not what yogurt is supposed to look like? And then you read the side to see you picked up "yogurt mousse" instead of yogurt.

Obviously this just happened to me, hence the side note.]

Anyway, back to the point. I used to swim a mile all the time. I once swam three miles in three days. But that was two years ago.

Today, those 200 yards kicked my rear. When I got out of the pool, showered, dressed, and left the Y, I stepped off the curb onto the street…and suddenly my legs were noodles. I was like, “Whoa, buddy!” Then after the bus ride, the walk up the hill to my house was obviously made steeper by evil gnomes. Because, seriously, I needed two mountain goats and a Sherpa just to get to my driveway. I won’t tell you about the brutal walk up the Dreaded Stairs of Death from the garage to the living room to my bedroom. At least by then my feet had grown comfortably numb (I’ve heard you can get frostbite at those high elevations, even in the summertime).

But now I have a goal. It’s a goal I figure will take me three to five years to complete (and that’s just blogging about it!). My goal is, starting from today (June 23, 2009) and moving forward into the future (Month Day I Die, Year I Die) I want to swim 1,000 miles.

Since I’m using a yard pool… Well, there are 5,280 feet in a mile and 3 feet per yard, which is 1760 yards per mile. That gives me 1,760,000 yards to swim for 1,000 miles. I can subtract the 200 yards I did today. So I’ve got 1,759,800 yards to go.

*w00t*

I so blame Bush.

A famous dude (I think it was Confucius or Hammurabi) once said:

On this date
In 1978
Civilization began.

And lo, it waseth true.

Yup, today’s my birthday, so I came in to work wondering how badly my cubicle would be trashed (it’s a tradition). And it was. But included in the chaos…

A TALKING GEORGE W. BUSH DOLL!!!

All I can say is *w00t*!1!!!eleven!!!