DOVE VALLEY, CO — The Denver Broncos today issued an apology to Jake Plummer for pretending he was the cause of their woes last year when, despite having a winning record at the time, they sacked him.
“In retrospect, maybe we should have just stopped jabbing his voodoo doll,” Mike Shanahan said.
New quarterback Jay Cutler, who was injured in Sunday’s Lion mauling, remained optimistic. “It’s nice to see we’re playing poorly as a team and not just individually,” he said. “Poor team chemistry wasn’t ever a problem under Plummer. It was always his fault.”
Pat Bowen, owner of the Broncos, deflected suggestions that global warming was to blame for his team’s woes. “It’s obviously the war in Iraq. If our troops were at home, we’d be playing better football.”
The remaining fourteen uninjured players on the Broncos’ roster will take the field this Sunday in Kansas City. “We have a fifty-fifty shot of winning the coin toss,” Shanahan said. “If we do, at least we can come out of Kansas City victorious in something.”
