Snubbed!

Yesterday, I announced my candidacy for President of the United States of America. Not a single news show covered this important announcement!

I am aghast. I watched FOXNews, CNN, MSNBC, MYBOLOGNAHASAFIRSTNAME, ESPN, and even The Station No One Watches On Purpose. And the result?

OBAMA!

I demand equal time! The Fairness Doctrine ought to be put in place here. Just because I have as much chance of winning as Joe Biden means I should get as much air time as he does! This is America, after all (one of the two Americas Edwards sees even!).

We’re about fairness. Give me my fair share, you biased evil right-left wing media hypocritical slimebags who wouldn’t know greatness if it danced in front of you like a JetBlue airplane!!!